Empty arms. Empty heart.

Hello.  My name is Leone Kvetched.  I am a wife, a daughter, a sister, a crazy aunt, a cousin, a friend.  I am old enough to ache and groan and complain about youngsters.  I am young enough to not be aching and groaning and complaining about youngsters.  I am a disgruntled office worker whose work environment is toxic and unhealthy, yet here I stay.  I am an avid reader, an appreciator of good music, an obsessed foodie, and a wannabe traveler.  I am a neglectful Christian. Mostly, I am a cynic whose rose-colored glasses got ran over and broken several years ago.  I have freakishly realistic yet bizarre dreams almost every night.  Aaaaaand, that’s about all you need to know in this little introduction paragraph.  If you stick with me, you’ll learn all this and more.  Lucky you!

The thing that weighs most heavily on my mind these days does not exist.  That would be our children.  The Hubs and I have tried for years and years and years to have children.  But alas, they do not seem to be part of God’s plan for our lives.  I try to tell myself that there is a reason and purpose for this, but it is easy to get swaddled in depression.  See what I did there?  Swaddled?  Anywho.  People don’t think.  I cannot tell you how often we are told ‘y’all need kids’.  ‘When are y’all going to have some kids?’  ‘What you need in your life is about a dozen children.’  Etc.  Etc.  Yes yes.  Thank you for your insight.  Now stand there quietly while I mentally slap you around.  Sorry.  That was rude.  I know people don’t mean to be hurtful.  We haven’t spoken with many folks about our struggles to have children, so they don’t know.  But seriously.  Sheesh.

While I once had to quietly stand by and plaster a smile on my face and congratulate my friends on the births of their children, I am now doing the same for these people and their new grandbabies.  I truly am happy for everyone.  Truly.  But, I am also jealous.  I can’t help it.  I was reading a fabulous book this past week called The Magic Strings of Frankie Presto by Mitch Albom.  There was a line in there along the lines of….there comes a time when your life is all about what you are leaving for your children.  I know this is true for the masses.  But, what then for people like us?  What becomes the meaning of our already barren-seeming lives?

I swear not all of my posts will be so depressing.  Hopefully, you’ll even find some of them funny.  I have been known to cause a chuckle here and there.  I’d really like to use this blog to share with you the books I’ve read, the food I’ve eaten, experiences I’ve had, stories about people I want to choke, etc.  But, today my mind is on my sadness and the feelings of inadequacy not having children brings.  Go ahead.  Tell me to cheer up.  I know I need to.

Peace and chicken grease.

Recipe of the day:

Now & Later Baked Ziti by my momma

2 lbs ground beef

1 onion

salt, pepper, and whatever other seasonings you wanna throw in there

1 16 oz. box ziti

1 4 lb jug pasta sauce

3 cups mozzarella cheese

freshly shaved Parmesan

1 cup heavy cream (sort of)

Cook the beef with the onion and seasonings.  Drain off the fat.  While you’re doing that, cook the ziti according to package directions.  Mix the meat mixture, noodles, pasta sauce, and half of the mozzarella all together.  Divide it up into two disposable cake tins and name them “now” and “later”.  Top with Parmesan and remaining mozzarella.  Pour 1/2 cup of heavy cream over the “now” pan.  Cook it at 350 for 30 minutes.

Wrap “later” up tightly and stick it in your freezer for a night you would rather run out in traffic than cook dinner.  When you’re ready to use it, thaw it.  Cook it at 350 for 15 minutes.  Pour 1/2 cup of heavy cream on top.  Cook for 30 more minutes.  Easy peasy.

Song of the day:

Don’t Bring That Trouble by NEEDTOBREATH

Book of the day:

Image result for the magic strings of frankie presto

The Magic Strings of Frankie Presto by Mitch Albom

I’ve already mentioned that I loved this book.  I cannot express how much.  Mitch Albom is an extremely talented story-teller.  This is the fourth book of his that I have read and is absolutely my favorite (which is saying something.  Have you read The Five People You Meet in Heaven?)    5 stars on Goodreads.  I would give it more if they’d let me.

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3 thoughts on “Empty arms. Empty heart.

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